shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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