I didn't shave. On purpose
I will die if light touches me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
