yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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