New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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