I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
