It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
