I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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