seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
