why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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