so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
