8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
even my farts smell like vagina
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
