I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
