You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
