So drunk its hurt
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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