just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
