I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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