i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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