she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All I want is dick and wine.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
