so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
