she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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