You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
