I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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