Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
