I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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