I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
