Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
