Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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