My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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