no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
