you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize
