these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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