I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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