On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
