If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
