I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
