I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
