is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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