I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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