I wish I could punch you in the face.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
