I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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