I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
