You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
