We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
MIDGETS
????
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
