She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Boobs are out for the taking
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
