I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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