Apparently you make a good broom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
