Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
