every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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