the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
3 2 1 whiskey
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
