That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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