lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
