can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
